Journey of my voice part 1
Throwback Thursday: June 2018 Tel Aviv
This is the first „video“ of me singing that I ever posted on social media.
Can’t Help Falling In Love With you, Elvis Cover
The recording was already a bit older, maybe a year or so. Then somebody told me that it was actually good and convinced me that I need to SHARE my voice. And so I got a gentle push und support with starting to share my voice more openly. It took me a long time to get there. I always had a nice voice. I already sang when I was a child and music and melody always came very easy to me. I have trouble reading notes and I could never sing something if I hadn’t heard the melody before, so I wouldn’t even really call myself a „musician“ or at least not in a very professional (aka German) kind of way.
I am an intuitive singer, I am a Voice Artist, a Trance Medium, a Channeller of Sound, Emotion, vibration… However, I did get professional singing and piano lessons as a child and as a young adult and for all my school years I was singing in the School Choir, which was actually quite amazing. We did Masses, all kinds of concerts, and every two years we performed a Musical together with all the shenanigans. It was a lot of fun. When I was a child I sang from my heart, joyfully, free, just what wanted to come out of me. I also did a lot of acting and always got the leading roles in school plays.
I was just joyfully playing and it was easy for me to impersonate or embody different characters. I jumped into it head-first, without thinking, just expressing what I perceived from a place of joy and fun. When I was about 15 years old that somehow changed. I am still not all sure why exactly. Even though I can think of many reasons, somehow I have the feeling some piece of the puzzle is still missing. Anyways. I suddenly became very very aware of myself and about how others perceived me. The GAZE of the OTHER suddenly was super prominent and - it may sound really weird - but I kinda felt watched almost all the time. And therefore of course, criticized, measured, judged… The Joy that I was experiencing before suddenly got lost and in it’s place came Evaluation. Was I good enough? How could I be better, do it „correctly“. It was about getting a part, a solo, the lead, being praised, being recognized, and of course: comparison.
I started to have real troubles with my voice, was hoarse and had a husky voice for years. I felt immense pressure and what I loved so much before suddenly started to become a very ambivalent thing. Both passion and pain. What freed me before, started to become my oppressor.
After I finished school I stopped to express my voice openly and freely for 10 years. I almost never sang anymore, and when I did, I did it in privat, so I wouldn’t have to fear to be judged. Then, in 2014 I bought myself a little Ukulele (hey, 10 years ago, I just realized that ;) and started to play and sing for myself. I didn’t think too much anymore about how to sing correctly, according to the classical singing lessons that I received earlier in life. I just explored my own voice, playfully, joyfully. What FELT good? How did my voice WANT to express itself? Over time, I found, what I would call: my OWN VOICE. I did this in private and just for myself and it was such a precious little pleasure for me. I slowly started to sing a little bit at occasions with friends here and there, not often, maybe once or twice a year. Until this night in 2018, when somebody - sent to me by destiny - told me that it was time to get out in the world again and EXPRESS. Still the journey continued, when I found Voice Alchemy in 2019 in Bali and so on. And I am still exploring and becoming more and more free to just express what want’s to come through - light language, the sound of the Universe, the sound of the Spheres, entities from other realms… it’s still a challenge, there is still a bit of the path left for me to walk until my inner joyous child and I are fully aligned again, however: I got a BIG PART OF MY FREEDOM BACK! Lately I feel called to share my experience in this area with others in more ways, as in Workshops for example. So stay tuned, if you are interested in it. Actually: feel free to shoot me a message or comment, if you are interested, it’s very valuable for me to know :) Much Love
